First of all, let me say I have never aspired to be a blogger. I love reading other people's blogs and am impressed by consistent journalers, but it's never been my thing. I don't love writing. It often feels like more of a chore for me. I guess I'm a verbal kind of girl. But in the past few months writing has become more of an outlet, a lifeline, than I ever thought possible. For awhile now I feel like God has been nudging me to be better about sharing our story. After we lost Grant in October I had no choice but to talk about it and be very intentional with sharing. And it felt good and healing. God's goodness was so closely laced into our experience with Grant that I naturally found myself talking about what he had done in our lives and the ways he was working. But slowly over time I've crawled back into my shell. I'm naturally a more private person to the general public. I am definitely a "feeler" and very analytic and reflective by nature. But I usually keep the deeper stuff to the "inner circle" of people in my life. It's where I'm comfortable. And yet I know that God is drawing me back out, calling me to share my heart, what I'm learning, and most of all what He's done and is doing. It feels I have grown more in the past 9 months than maybe ever before. And so I will share.
This journey of a year all began October 7, 2013 when we found out we had lost our son Grant at 24 weeks pregnant. Time stopped and our lives felt shattered. We were desperate to save every memory and experience we could from that time and so I created a blog about his birth and our week with Grant. This is where the story begins. After that I found journaling to be a huge outlet for me- in the weeks of grief and processing that followed and unexpectedly through the amazing surprise and blessing of our current pregnancy. Grant's and his little sister's birthdays will only be about a week apart. This is timing I would have gone out of my way to avoid, but as time has gone by it feels somewhat completing and poetic. In so many ways I see the birth of this baby girl bringing climax to our journey of a year. We've prayed that what started with brokenness and heartache will be made new with life and joy.
I plan to back log excerpts from my journal over the next few weeks and continue through the birth of our baby girl. Our journey begins with Grant and here is his story...
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